Remember God created man. He knew exactly what he wanted a man to be like. Most men today are not men created by God's standards and likeness. Make sure the man you want to be your husband is qualified under the standards of God.
1. How is his relationship with God? His commitment to God must be more important than his commitment to any one person including his wife. His commitment to God is what leads to his commitment to you. Once a man is fully about pleasing God, God will lead him to love you the right way. God requires that husbands love the wife as Jesus loved the church. Loving God leads your husband to be understanding of your needs, wants and emotions. Loving God leads your husband to not speak when angry which causes him to say hurtful things. Loving God leads your husband to forgive you in your wrong doings.
2. Does he know God's word? A requirement God gives to a husband is washing his bride with his word. A man that does not know God's word can't wash you with it. A man that does not know God's word does not know how to treat his wife the way God intended for a wife to be treated. Ephesians 5:25-33
3. Does he deny himself daily? We are called to be like Jesus. Jesus tells us we cannot follow him until we deny ourselves daily. Once a man makes a conscious effort to deny himself daily he is putting the way God feels about you above his selfish flesh. He is able to deny anger. He is able to deny the opposite sex. He is able to deny showing frustration. He is able to deny that part of him that doesn't want to communicate with you. Luke 9:23-24, Luke 17:33, Matthew 10:39
4. Does he have a clear self-image of who he is? Jesus said to put on your new nature created to be like God. A man qualified for marriage knows exactly who he is. A lot of domestic problems occur from men who don't know who they are. Any set back feels like an attack on them. A man who doesn't know who he is follows the crowd even if that crowd is chasing other women. Ephesians 4:24
5. Does he know his purpose? God gave Adam a clear purpose. A man without a purpose a man is not ready to lead you. He doesn't know where he is leading you. A man without purpose also plays into domestic problems because that man is lost and he is not truly happy. He will take out his frustrations on you. Because he is lost he can be pulled in any direction by all distractions. A man that knows his purpose has focus on where he is going and knows what distractions to stay clear of. God made marriage with a purpose. A man that knows his purpose means he is out doing what God made him to do and the wife becomes the helper in accomplishing that purpose. Paul tells us to marry or not marry whichever one helps us do God’s work. In the Bible it says God gave Adam a helper. It didn't say a wife until a few verses later. Paul also reinforces that when he say if we can't control our urges then we should marry our virgin helper. A man that knows his purpose understands that the reason he is marrying is to keep him focused and give him help to complete his work. Paul says a man does even better to not marry so he can focus on doing Gods work.
6. Does he keep himself around wise counsel? Are his friends the type that will hold him accountable to God's word in all situations? Or, are his friends the ones that encourage worldly things. The old saying by Jim Rohn, "You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with."
7. Is he committed to his growth in Christ? Is he developing daily into who God created him to be? He must meet God's standards before he is a man ready for marriage. The only way he can know those standards is if he is reading his word.
8. Does he have a family vision written down with a plan on how he will lead his family? It should contain the family’s vision and mission statement. You can’t have that without knowing purpose first. It should contain your family values, a family vow, outline the roles and include goals to be achieved.
Is he willing to not have sex before marriage? This is the ultimate proof to his dedication to God. A man that is ready for marriage has to qualify for marriage first. If a man can qualify for marriage, he qualifies to lead a family. He is qualified to stay through troubled times and raise a child.
Purpose is said to be self-organizing and the predominant theme in a persons life. It provides framework for systematic behavior patterns in everyday life. It should be evident in the goals people create, the effort devoted to these goals, and decision-making when confronted with competing options of how to allocate resources such as time and energy. A purpose motivates a person to dedicate resources in particular directions and toward particular goals and while avoiding others.
In other words knowing your purpose is the reason you deny yourself daily like Jesus said we must do and give up our lives to be more like him.
Knowing God's purpose for marriage sets your behavior patterns when it pertains to marriage. It is evident in your goals and your effort devoted to these goals. It's evident in the decisions you make in your marriage when confronted by obstacles such as an argument, infidelity, communication, understanding, etc. When the purpose of marriage is known it shows you where to spend time and energy.
Knowing Purpose helps guide you and keeps you strong together. Every time your spouse makes you mad it pushes you away from them and not want to be around them. But when you know the purpose of your marriage is to always be the reminder to your spouse about how God feels about them, you know you're obligated to show them unconditional love even when you think they don't deserve it because that's exactly what God does for us.
The Marriage Preparation Coach
Donald Gibson Jr.